All You Can Eat

This is to all the girls that get absolutely shit-faced in little out of the way bars;

I know you thing you are dancing like your fave pop or rock star or whatever the hell you kids are listening to these days. But god-damn, you look absolutely fuckin ridicules. Flailing around like you’re having a seizure or some shit, stumbling and drooling all over yourself, making sexual overtones to everyone in the place and offering your services as a ‘pipe cleaner’ is not a good way to find a nice friend to take home to mom. It is however a good way to contract a S.T.D. from some sleazy fuck that will take advantage of any poor drunk girl just to get his wick wet. (By the way, thanks a lot madam, for the crabs.)

See you at the pub!

My butt hurts. (and my balls itch)

goodnight sweet heart

Here’s something to think about.

You ever wonder if you mom had just finished blowing your dad when she kissed you good night as a child?

My but hurts.