the green goldmine

As I sit in front of my computer scratching the small space between my nut-sack and anus and daydreaming about tacos, I can’t help but think of something I saw today at work. A man was walking through the front half of the store, where not only co-workers could see him but customers as well, and was knuckle deep in the green goldmine that is his nose. But this was not the end of the little freak-show, no. After he withdrew his now sticky finger covered in the fruits of his passionate labors, he proceeded to….. eat it.

Now I know that we all, on occasion, feel the need to evict our little green freeloader friends that are living in our nostrils rent free and just sleeping on our couch eating all our food. Fuckers. And we all have done this at some point in our adult lives, don’t lie. It’s just like the masturbation thing. If you say that you’ve never done it, you’re a fucking lire. I know you do it, they know you do it and in you’re heart of hearts, you know you do it. So own it, be proud, you fucking wankers.

Anyway, the difference between him, people like him, small kids and us somewhat sane people is something simple;

We strive to not let people watch us pick our noses. And certainly we don’t put ourselves in positions that we would be caught eating our buggers. (if that’s what you’re into… cool…whatever) In you’re home, car at night or in you’re bosses office when he’s out for the day is fine. No one will see you. But on the buss, in the park, at church or in the lunch room when there are people trying to eat their god damn food is just inconfuckingsiderate and stupid.

jesus

Oh, buy the way, wiping you’re boggies on other people’s coffee tables and flicking them on unsuspecting customers is also to be considered to be a little rude.

So cut it the fuck out.

Fuckers.

My butt hurts.

Poop Stories

What the fuck is going on ???

After the poop story I put up here a little while ago I now have people telling me other shitty stories. Two more people from my work shat themselves… at work. I won’t go into much detail about them but to say shit happened and they were at work. What worries me is how many stories are now being told to me. I mean I guess we all have a poop story, I myself have one involving an entire 11 quart basket of cherries consumed in one afternoon when I was 5. Messy, messy…. but I was 5. It was one of many lessons learned in childhood along with not eating dirt, shoving crayons up my nose and swallowing lost of pennies and gum. All lessons that I learned and I learned them well, but again, I was 5. It seems to me that there is a lot of people out there that have never learned this don’t poop lesson in their childhood and are now having to learn this as adults. But wait…. Nope I can’t talk about this anymore, it’s making me sick.

Smarten up and put on a pull-up… fuck.

Fuckers.

My butt hurts